Quintessential Gangster

First real order of business is music-related. Jay-Z's latest offering has several manifestations, all reimaginations of God MC's rep-saving American Gangster (Kingdom Come, for all its shittiness, was given strange clemency by large media outlets, IMO). Released in November, it's a pseudo-concept album that features last year's #1 song, "Roc Boys (And The Winner Is)" (according to Rolling Stone, whose writers have been out of touch with music since the millennium, I know). Regardless, it's a good LP on its own; not Jay's best, but The Blueprint is and appears in my personal top 10 albums of all time. On the heels of the-CD-that-shall-not-be-named, a good LP suffices for Ex-Greatest Rapper Alive.

For me? Not so much. With all the remixes that exist, I've come up with my favorite vision of the CD. In essence, this is the mixtape I would burn if I wanted to keep the number and orders of tracks, but splice in said remixes. Plus, some of these are straight crack and deserve some burn. Here's what the former President Hovito should have sold the people.

1. "Intro" off Chief Sneed's Native American Gangster

While I dig Idris Elba's sprawling growl, it doesn't help the sense that we're about to see friendly Brooklyn Nets owner & entrepreneur Jay-Z moving raw Peruvian. The least Hov have done for his title-jacking LP would have been this intro. The airy, doomsday synth places all the Denzel quotes in the right context. We don't need this thinly-stretched diatribe on how your gangster is defined, man. Give us some shit that amplifies what's coming next! Only this version (which makes the obvious "Red Magic" joke at its conclusion) thrusts the listener into Hamsterdam.

2. "Pray" off Jay-Z's American Gangster (prod. by The Hitmen)

Caveat: my mixtape isn't the most thoroughly coherent vision of this collection. The sound is all over the place; besides, I'm not sure you can throw together a better consistent sound than all the silky samples on the original. That said, this joint is a logical next step after Sneed's intro. The threat of exploding comes true as the narrative frames Sean Corey on some Marlo Stanfield-meets-John Gotti shit(two paragraphs and two Wire references? just embrace it). Last time I heard guitars like these was on Freeway's woefully underrated "Life". Like that hidden gem, this shit doesn't knock; it crunches. "The genesis of a nemesis," baby.

3. "American Dreamin'" off of Cookin' Soul's Billboard Gangsters

Hate not to give Marvin some love for the fantastic sample, but you're gonna tell me that the lazily descending riffs from the King (and his crooning on the hook) don't kick this thing up a notch? The irony hits too hard: while Jigga stays American Dreamin', it's "time to face reality" for EP. This version seems more boistrous and suits the mood much better.

4. "Hello Brooklyn 2.0" (feat. Lil' Wayne) off of DJ Skee's American Godfather

I've got your mafia aesthetic right here. The beat is flippantly Sicilian for the verses, then hard clenched piano for the hook. Skee seems like he's in on his own joke; 2.0 refers to Jay's Bed-Stuy but Skee's on some old New York City (1.0) gangster sound here. While I remain perplexed by a West Coast DJ putting NYC's favorite son on anything (no less sampled Godfather orchestrals), no argument here. Even Wayne's uncharacteristically lazy verse sounds better on the up-and-down sliding beat. Remembering "the time/the place/ and the weather/ on the day ya said 'hi' to me" actually conjures up some nostalgia this way.

5. "No Hook" off of American Gangster (prod. by The Hitmen)

Don't trip. This original could be straight off Blueprint. A ghostly choir moans in the background, an electric guitar just barely there. The nimble flow can't fit as nicely over anything else. The "mama said/as mama sighed" part of the song has been beaten to death as some of Jay's nicest floetry since...ever, but the beat's lingering propels the killer silence that punctuates "or I'ma die/inside". Throw in that badass Denzel quote at the beginning and the original easily makes it onto Quintessential Gangster. When the Hitmen bring serious heat on American Gangster, the album has its most prominent flashes of brilliance. Simple as that.

6. "Roc Boys (And The Winner Is)" off of American Gangster (prod. by The Hitmen)

Ditto. Black superhero music. Ask about this one at work, school, jail, etc. As Jay says about certain other less worthy tracks on the LP, "Sweeeeeeeeet."

7. "Sweet" off of Billboard Gangsters

This fluttering, ethereal beat feels like it's about to drift off into the clouds. At the same time, though, there's nothing ambient about it; the King urges us to "breathe the breath of life," a creed Jay adheres to. His "therapy is music" and so while the sound is mere gossamer, the words come straight schitzo. Joyous one second, wistful the next. This beat "gets it" better than any others and "Sweet" is one hell of an ironic title. Too bad Kanye stole "Bittersweet" first. "It may not be what you call perfect, but it's my life." In this case, it's just about what I call perfect.

8. "I Know" off of Native American Gangster

The first thirty seconds of this song are underwhelming. But Sneed brings fuckin' heat rock for the verses; part of what works so well here happens because he switches the beat up. The verses get this Miami Beach sunset keyboard jam, while the hook channels some early video game electronica shit. The whole thing strikes me as decidedly weird, but the massive divergence from the original idea kicks ass. I'm also pretty sure that Jay would never have come up with the song if he had been handed this beat, which makes it infinitely more awesome. It sounds like homie's trapped in the studio, forced to spit 48 on this other planet beat before anyone lets him out.

9. "Party Life - Babe I'm Gonna Leave You" off of DJ Doc Rok's American Zeppelin

I must confess that this acapella doesn't really do anything for me. "Order some Patreezy?" Really? That's your final answer?. The whole thing reeks of Kingdom Come track with one or two good lines and I can't stand I'm-so-damn-impressed-with-myself Jay. At least this version throws the haunting "I can hear it calling me back the way it used to do" Zeppelin vocal in the background on the hook. The beat is a little too busy until it slows down for the chorus, but it doesn't ooze like the original. And in fairness, Doc Rok kinda flips the whole idea of the song with that one Zeppelin line. No longer mere cash hemorrhaging, the track becomes more ambiguous, a sorta "Cocaine Cowboys" type deal looking back at the fun & sinful times.

10. "Ignorant Shit - In My Time Of Dying" (feat. Beanie Sigel) off of American Zeppelin

Here's the sequel to "99 Problems". The nice hard guitar backing fans the flames on all the inciting Jay does. Even the ubiquitous braggadocio works on the rapid-fire Zeppelin riffs. And since this song plays up the whole rock star persona that Jay loves to cultivate, why not throw Jimmy Page behind the boards? I love the scratch at 2:12, transitioning into Beans' verse. Ignorant rebellious shit right here. "It's only entertainment!"

11. "Say Hello" off of Billboard Gangsters

Oh man. Not only does the no-name trio outdo DJ Toomp's lush string section, but they blow him away with one of the most basic beats I've ever heard. The acoustic guitar kills it. After the first seconds of the beat, it's just as likely to give way to Joni Mitchell as Sean Carter. But the beautifully simple production stays out of the way of "the bad guy". The best part? Jay sounds downright miserable. Not since "Song Cry" has he sounded so freakin' depressed. In part, it's the organic sound from Cookin' Soul. Those stretched syllables are almost folksy over this country twang. In a complete reversal of the album's concept, the superstar MC sounds right at home.

12. "Success - Moby Dick" (feat. Nas) off of American Zeppelin

Boy, Nas sure sounds old and uninterested. Unfortunately, that stands out no matter whose instrumental he raps over here. I can't get as excited about this track, but Jay-Z gets to rely on Led-Z for a while. The alternating electric shrieks of the guitar reflect Hov's flow well. Of course, the sound of Jay's "let that bitch breathe" followed by wailing guitar feels pretty damn good, too. Works much better with this infusion of energy.

13. "Fallin'" off of American Godfather

A great song here that sounds like the incarcerated lament of a former kingpin. It's one of the rare instances where Skee uses the eerie aesthetic of Coppola's films well. The hook sounds unnatural (a problem with every version), but the military precision of the oscillating beat does the song's regret some serious justice. A great Godfather quote leads in before the plunge, pitting the pinnacle of Jay's crack empire against that of the Corleone Family. He sounds a bit minimal in the face of the case that Michael catches, but the second his voice drops in, Brooklyn's boss takes the reins right back.

14. "Blue Magic" off of Billboard Gangsters

If any track comes off as "haunting," it's this one. Here, Jay's flipping white out of a haunted house (Bones meets Scarface?). Elvis "looking back on my life" at song's end brings the whole thing to a cathartic close. This incarnation feels like a shades-of-grey answer to the cooing female on "Beach Chair": "Are you happy, Hov?" Answer unknown.

15. "American Gangster" off of Billboard Gangsters

If we've got to end it, why not go down with pimp swagger? Cookin' Soul shifts the original sound to actually create the same 70's aesthetic on Jay's initial offering. Kingly urges to "look up to the sky" slinks into "if the sky should fall/and it all goes tomorrow/and they foreclose on the house and auction off all my cars/don't cry for me, Argentina/I mobbed in the Beamer". It sounds like Jay's ad-libs respond to the ghostly presence of the King and I totally dig it.

There's your CD, people. I don't claim the above melange as anything but my own personal preference. Technically, I would include the album version of "Ignorant Shit" before even thinking about throwing "Success" on there, but the self-imposed rules say otherwise. If you're any type of Jay fan, I not only suggest you check out my version, but you make your own. Until I get enough cake to get Jay in the studio over my pre-approved beats, this will have to do.

Unsavory Comment #1

I never wanted to be one of those malcontent assholes who feels the need to broadcast his/her every thought, complaint, or speck of praise. I never wanted to find another way to use the Internet to waste my time. I never wanted an outlet for the inane, possibly depraved, things that run through my head to manifest themselves in concrete fashion. I never wanted to be a "blogger". I never wanted to post my thoughts under some semi-insightful title like "Unsavory Comments".

But I'm here nonetheless. Welcome to the the failed last stand against those aforementioned sins.