Score One For Snarky Internet Writers

EDIT: Link fixed.

I've been trying, for months, to rationalize my feelings on Juno, but haven't been able to get past being pissed off when I see that there's ten million copies in BestBuy, but everything else is impossible to find. Apparently, someone else feels exactly the same as me and has more time than I do.

Anyway, I've been away for a minute, so I'm transitioning back into this thing with the funniest snarky thing I've read in a while.

Enjoy.

"I Don't Care What Nobody Say; I'ma Be Me"

Okay, so there's this song, right? It's this cathartic, kitchen sink beat by the Runners. But unlike some other "everyfad" songs (like that one Danity Kane joint that tried to do snap music, Houston swang, women's lib rap&b, etc.), this one is good. Well, to start to describe its allure requires this short guessing game. Of the two men pictured at left, which one do you think is essential? And which one do you think continues a mind-boggling streak of ruining the first 45 seconds of posse cuts?

Palestinian yellcore artist "DJ" Khaled aside, this mega posse cut works pretty well. The anthemic pandemic from "Holla At Me Baby," "We Takin' Over," and "Brown Paper Bag" prevails here. Familiar names like Rossbeard, Boosie Bad Azz, and Weezy F. Lean show up on the roster. Trick Daddy shows up in a fairly menacing reminder that he, too, can rep Dade County fiercely (and he was doing it before that horrible little pygmy hypeman was yelling on everybody's songs, so props). Plies and Ace Hood are well...the same dude. (stop me when this sounds familiar: from Florida, god-awful rapper, famous by association, makes Rick Ross look like an actual MC, and so on).

So what is the good to go with much of the afore-maligned bad? Well, Akon. Akon, Akon, Akon. I don't know if we in the T-Painian Era can remember ALL the way back to the first half of 2007-seems like just yesterday our r&b singers were humans, not Auto-Tuned robosangas-but this Akon fellow used to be quite popular on the hook. I'm not gonna lie; I'd like to hear Pain on the inevitable, makes the original look really good by comparison, remix. But this is Akon's most exuberant, romping chorus since "Soul Survivor". There's even some sort of self-identity strenghtening tip. The great news, after the horrors of Plies' "Hypnotized" and Felli Fel's "Get Buck", is that it seems like Akon might have set shit right.

By the way, that squadron of D'Wayne Sipsalot, Ross, and Akon should absolutely do something under the group name Anthemic Pandemic. Hell, even a six-song EP with those dudes would do hotcakes numbers. Does it have artistic merit or justfication? Not yet, but I really do like the sound of Anthemic Pandemic. If Wayne's people are reading this, just hit me up, I'll even let you use the name.

One Thing's For Certain, And Two Things Fa Sho...

Shout to Bun B on the byline. Dude mauls another instrumental, via the good folks at Hood Internet. And since the mind, this week, cannot be reigned in enough for linear thoughts, it's time to start a new, alternate form of being Unsavory. We'll call this Volume One of Sure/Unsure.

-I'm sure that this season's fifth episode of The Tudors was one of the series' best EVER. The scene with Bishop Fisher in front of the crowd is eerily brilliant. O'Toole proves that his facial expressions are more entertaining than Rhys-Meyer's entire acting repertoire.

-I'm not sure if the show is on some religious right ish. I get the feeling, at times, that Christianity is being stabbed into my eyeballs.

-I'm sure that "Put On" is a top five of all time Kanye verse. Forsaking his usually cornball self, vocoded Kanye sounds much more human than the real life version ever has. The candid verse humbly regrets dude's recent breakup with his fiance, a rare chink in the Chitown native's armor.

-I'm not sure what's worse: the honestly-this-is-effing-tired new Soulja Boy song or the fact that I can't listen to any of Jeezy's actual verse because the only version of "Put On" that exists is censored.

-I'm sure that the Soulja Boy song is worse, on second thought.

-I'm not sure anyone will ever hear Young Buck's "My Interview," but it's shockingly, pleasantly devoid of trite rap "beef". Curtis was probably too busy getting jacked at his own concert in Angola to notice (no joke-Google away for evidence).

-I'm sure everyone else who's written about T.I.'s not single, maybe produced by Danja, definitely intriguing "No Matter What," has already covered all the good and bad about it.

-I'm not sure if I can muster up a full review to The Roots' Rising Down, but hopefully the answer is yes. It's thought-provoking in a major way.

-I'm sure this is the last bullet point. The Oft-Travelling Crybaby (Who Seems Like A Good Dad, In Fairness) & His Company of Lackeys against the Boston "Boy Did We Ever Miss The Memo The Playoffs Started Last Week?" Celtics tomorrow night. LeBron v. Boston Three Party (with the undercard match of Brian Scalabrine v. Aleksandar Pavlovic). TNT @ 8:00 P.M.