Unsavory Comments

For Archival Purposes

2011-10-18T11:21:00.004-04:00

Going to get back at it with this blog thingy, but need to archive some stuff that I wrote for sportsofboston.com back when I was young and impressionable (i.e. a year ago).

Kevin Durant: The One That Got Away?

Recap: NYY v. BOS 05/10/10

Series Recap: BOS v. CLE 05/14/10

Celtics Season Review 2009-10

Ten Things I Hate About "The Decision": Part I, Part IIs

No More "I'm Back" Posts, I Swear

2009-05-31T00:46:00.006-04:00

I think I have blog ADD. Come back for a post, disappear for another month, lather, rinse, repeat. Then again, I've been living in effing Australia and doing real human being things instead of being a quote-unquote blogger, and that's cool with me. Anyway, quick hits, in a style I've used before.

-I'm sure that Bun B's latest two guest verses (on The Cool Kids' remix of "Pennies," and the possibly-remix-it's-unclear version of Clipse's "Kinda Like A Big Deal) are bonkers. He'll "lay you down like the swine flu" on "KLABD," and is "so sick wit it, betta pass me the Tamiflu" on "Pennies". Two, count 'em, TWO excellent flu-related similes! Bun is a king, Underground, and otherwise.

Pennies (The Updated Rosters Remix) - The Cool Kids

-I'm not sure where this season of LOST finishes (the whole being across the world thing has me two eps from the finish line), but I dig that Ann Arbor is coming into play. If Mike Hart crashes on the Island, it'll officially be the greatest show of all-time.

-I'm not sure who the last veritable career-maker in the rap game was. Luda, T.I., and Jeezy don't have anyone in their respective camps that could even qualify for the B-List (considering that includes Young Dro and Killer Mike, it's a damn disgrace, but still). I guess 50 made Game's career, but then Em made 50's career, and Dre made Em's career. Anyway, I think that 'Ye might be the closest thing to it. Cudi's been quietly blowing up, although I'm not sure is mainstream enough to blow. And this Mr Hudson character...just listen to the fucking song. And do we get to say that 'Ye letting Lupe guest on Late Registration made Lupe? I dunno, I think that's kinda bullshit, but I'm just one man.

-I'm sure that my new obsession with Bones is one of the weirdest experiences I've ever had with a TV show. Season One is kinda indefensibly silly, where there's so much character stuff going on that they sometimes forget to explain how the case du jour got solved. But by the fourth season, they've got their shit together. It clicks on a bunch of different levels, and despite the fact that I can't stand one of the main characters (Angela), I realize her importance to the balance of the cast. Thumbs up.

-I'm not sure if the weather system in Australia is aware that's it's supposed to be sunny here. It's rained for twelve straight days and I'm on the edge of the edge. I feel like I'm living in Seattle, except without all the flannel shirts and WTO riots.

-I'm sure LeBron is going to kill himself this offseason to get even better (terrifying) and ask the Cavs to make a move or two to help him out (burying the corpse of Mo Williams would be a good start). He played maybe the best individual series I've ever seen being guarded five-on-one and made it to six games. I dunno what happened to the Cavs' gusto-maybe they were never that confident a team, maybe Orlando just matched up really well-but they were flat the whole series. Finals pick: Orlando in 6.

-I'm not sure what person made the decision to greenlight the Max Payne movie but I'd hope that the recession has taken away their job. No hate, but if we're gonna throw around millions, let's please not spend it on something that ridiculously bad. No, you know what? It wasn't even ridiculously bad, because that can be funny. It was uninterestingly terrible. I feel bad for anyone who went to see it based on the trailer because it's NOTHING like that and NOTHING like the game. Jamie Hector's only in one scene, dammit! Horrible.

-I'm sure that I need to eat. You stay classy, Planet Earth.

I Come From A Land Down Under

2009-04-08T01:49:00.002-04:00

Picture has nothing to do with the post. It's just awesome.

Anyway, here's an attempt to get back in the blog game after one failed return already. Let's do this quick hits style, saving the justification for why this thing died twice on me.

1. Everywhere I go in Sydney, I can't escape this club mix of Kings of Leon's "Use Somebody." I don't even really like the original, but the remix is some hypnotic club shit, and I hate to admit that I really dig it. If anyone somehow has this song and wants to let me "borrow" an MP3 of it, I'll give you a firm handshake and my eternal gratitude. Here's a taste.

2. If you care about hip-hop, DL the mixtape that comes after the jump. The dude's name is Grip Grand, he's from the Bay Area, and he needs major label press. If I go on about him, you'll just think I'm jocking him for no reason. But I'm a full-on stan. And I'm right. Listen to his Chart Toppers Vol. 1 mixtape and tell me it's not absolute lyrical destruction of some of the biggest hits of the last year. That's a double dog dare.

http://www.routinefly.com/products-page/free-music/grip-grand---chart-toppers-vol-1/

3. Let me try to rundown what's hot at the moment:

Best Co-Ed Jam: Keri Hilson-Knock You Down (feat. Ne-Yo & Kanye West)
Most Surprisingly Out-of-Character But Awesome Jam: Meth & Red-City Lights (feat. UGK)
Best "Who Killed It Hardest" Jam: Tech N9ne-Sickology 101 (feat. Crooked I & Chino XL)
Best Song I'm Embarassed To Like: Ace Hood-Overtime (feat. Akon & T-Pain)
Jadakiss Feature That Makes Me Irritated "The Last Kiss" Isn't Better: French Montana-New York Minute (feat. J To The Mwah)
Best "Get My Grown Man On" Smooth Track: The Foreign Exchange-Take Off The Blues (feat. Darien Brockington)
Best Song That's Worth Having Because Of One Line (and the Cool & Dre production): Wale-Chillin' (feat. Lady Gaga) [I won't spoil the line, but it's a fucking hysterical Superbad reference]
Jim Jonsin Production That Will Probably Run The Summer Like "Whatever You Like" Ran Last Fall: Slim Thug-I Run

Sorry it's all YouTubes. I like to hook it up with links, but it didn't come together this time. Still, that's a funkload of tunes. And Unsavory Comments is back...for now. That's cause for some rejoicing somewhere, right?

Remember, Remember The Fifth Of November

2008-11-05T16:22:00.004-05:00

He did it. We did it. I did it. You did it. Whatever your pronoun of choice, it was an historic night. Talk about it in terms of progress (i.e. civil rights), revival (of JFK & MLK's political humanism), or change. Just talk about it.

Among the infinite great moments was one when, admittedly intoxicated, I looked at the clock and its the green LED "12:03" starting right back at me. I realized that, in the infancy of this November 5th, history was being made. The event shares little else with the Gunpowder Plot, other than a reminder of how potent republicanism can be when people realize their place in it. Just one of the many cool things about the last twenty-four hours.

Shout-out to the Reverend Jackson, too. Watching Martin's friend cry silent, reverent tears while Obama smiled on the Grant Park crowd was an absolute goosebumps moment. Sure, he gets on his high horse sometimes, but in that moment, he was an entirely sympathetic character.

Thought McCain's speech was quite good, and Palin's numbed "I've been thinking about 2012 for the last two months" look was golden. But obviously, as you know he's been doing for the last two months, if in private, Barack had prepared something special. When big homie started talking about what made this a quintessential American moment, it was just bananas.

And the weirdest part was the reaction. For the first time in my life, it felt like somebody won the election, instead of somebody losing it. That's complete biased, from the side of the victors, but it was like somebody's squad had just won the Super Bowl. Daps and hugs gave way to generally celebratory antics. The night felt like history.

Tell him I'm doin' fine, Obama for mankind/
We ready for damn change, so y'all let the man shine.
-Pundit Jeezy

The Lazarus Post

2008-10-20T04:27:00.003-04:00

It happened. It wasn't Charles Hamilton's "Brooklyn Girls" or Paper Trail or The Recession or The Game That Will Go Down As Simply Game Five or tonight's best-in-a-season-and-a-half ep of Entourage, although all those things were great, but something finally got me back on the blog

The song is "Birdz Fly High" by Doughboy. I have almost no information about it other than its existence, artist, and title. The sample may or may not be the voice of Nina Simone, and the producer is completely unknown. It's not going to win a Grammy this year nor is it a masterpiece of any kind.

But the beat is batshit crazy and the guy at least doesn't sound like every other dude on the radio and it's the type of song that makes you glad the Internet is around. What better use of a semi-active blog than that?

I'm back again for the first time, I think.

"I Ain't A Genius, But I Just Made Some Genius Ish"

2008-06-11T21:07:00.003-04:00

I imagine this started something like so: "Pain, you probably don't want this old Bing Crosby record, do you? Otherwise, I'ma just throw it out."

The heavyweight champion of the pop world, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Tallahassee Pain. No words.

And yes, this stupid blog thing is coming back. Bear with me, it's hot as a mug in my spot.

Score One For Snarky Internet Writers

2008-05-25T18:01:00.004-04:00

EDIT: Link fixed.

I've been trying, for months, to rationalize my feelings on Juno, but haven't been able to get past being pissed off when I see that there's ten million copies in BestBuy, but everything else is impossible to find. Apparently, someone else feels exactly the same as me and has more time than I do.

Anyway, I've been away for a minute, so I'm transitioning back into this thing with the funniest snarky thing I've read in a while.

Enjoy.

"I Don't Care What Nobody Say; I'ma Be Me"

2008-05-12T01:26:00.006-04:00

Okay, so there's this song, right? It's this cathartic, kitchen sink beat by the Runners. But unlike some other "everyfad" songs (like that one Danity Kane joint that tried to do snap music, Houston swang, women's lib rap&b, etc.), this one is good. Well, to start to describe its allure requires this short guessing game. Of the two men pictured at left, which one do you think is essential? And which one do you think continues a mind-boggling streak of ruining the first 45 seconds of posse cuts?

Palestinian yellcore artist "DJ" Khaled aside, this mega posse cut works pretty well. The anthemic pandemic from "Holla At Me Baby," "We Takin' Over," and "Brown Paper Bag" prevails here. Familiar names like Rossbeard, Boosie Bad Azz, and Weezy F. Lean show up on the roster. Trick Daddy shows up in a fairly menacing reminder that he, too, can rep Dade County fiercely (and he was doing it before that horrible little pygmy hypeman was yelling on everybody's songs, so props). Plies and Ace Hood are well...the same dude. (stop me when this sounds familiar: from Florida, god-awful rapper, famous by association, makes Rick Ross look like an actual MC, and so on).

So what is the good to go with much of the afore-maligned bad? Well, Akon. Akon, Akon, Akon. I don't know if we in the T-Painian Era can remember ALL the way back to the first half of 2007-seems like just yesterday our r&b singers were humans, not Auto-Tuned robosangas-but this Akon fellow used to be quite popular on the hook. I'm not gonna lie; I'd like to hear Pain on the inevitable, makes the original look really good by comparison, remix. But this is Akon's most exuberant, romping chorus since "Soul Survivor". There's even some sort of self-identity strenghtening tip. The great news, after the horrors of Plies' "Hypnotized" and Felli Fel's "Get Buck", is that it seems like Akon might have set shit right.

By the way, that squadron of D'Wayne Sipsalot, Ross, and Akon should absolutely do something under the group name Anthemic Pandemic. Hell, even a six-song EP with those dudes would do hotcakes numbers. Does it have artistic merit or justfication? Not yet, but I really do like the sound of Anthemic Pandemic. If Wayne's people are reading this, just hit me up, I'll even let you use the name.

One Thing's For Certain, And Two Things Fa Sho...

2008-05-05T18:25:00.005-04:00

Shout to Bun B on the byline. Dude mauls another instrumental, via the good folks at Hood Internet. And since the mind, this week, cannot be reigned in enough for linear thoughts, it's time to start a new, alternate form of being Unsavory. We'll call this Volume One of Sure/Unsure.

-I'm sure that this season's fifth episode of The Tudors was one of the series' best EVER. The scene with Bishop Fisher in front of the crowd is eerily brilliant. O'Toole proves that his facial expressions are more entertaining than Rhys-Meyer's entire acting repertoire.

-I'm not sure if the show is on some religious right ish. I get the feeling, at times, that Christianity is being stabbed into my eyeballs.

-I'm sure that "Put On" is a top five of all time Kanye verse. Forsaking his usually cornball self, vocoded Kanye sounds much more human than the real life version ever has. The candid verse humbly regrets dude's recent breakup with his fiance, a rare chink in the Chitown native's armor.

-I'm not sure what's worse: the honestly-this-is-effing-tired new Soulja Boy song or the fact that I can't listen to any of Jeezy's actual verse because the only version of "Put On" that exists is censored.

-I'm sure that the Soulja Boy song is worse, on second thought.

-I'm not sure anyone will ever hear Young Buck's "My Interview," but it's shockingly, pleasantly devoid of trite rap "beef". Curtis was probably too busy getting jacked at his own concert in Angola to notice (no joke-Google away for evidence).

-I'm sure everyone else who's written about T.I.'s not single, maybe produced by Danja, definitely intriguing "No Matter What," has already covered all the good and bad about it.

-I'm not sure if I can muster up a full review to The Roots' Rising Down, but hopefully the answer is yes. It's thought-provoking in a major way.

-I'm sure this is the last bullet point. The Oft-Travelling Crybaby (Who Seems Like A Good Dad, In Fairness) & His Company of Lackeys against the Boston "Boy Did We Ever Miss The Memo The Playoffs Started Last Week?" Celtics tomorrow night. LeBron v. Boston Three Party (with the undercard match of Brian Scalabrine v. Aleksandar Pavlovic). TNT @ 8:00 P.M.

Is It Still Cool To Say "It's Gonna Be A Hot Summer?"

2008-04-30T15:52:00.003-04:00

Well, I'm doing it either way. My body of evidence is two relatively new tracks, from opposite sides of the track. The bond that ties them is the pervasive sense of "man, I should turn the bass up really loud on my car while I play this." These are your first trunk-rattlers of the quickly approaching Summer Oh Eight.

If there's a "lesser" of these two tracks, it's definitely Ace Hood (f.k.a. Ace Gutta?) and his attempt to mimic the only two Florida MC's since Trick Daddy who've found mass appeal (The Beard Formerly Known As Rick Ross & Generic MC # 81 Flo-Rida). And, like his predecessors, Ace has very little substance on the mic. Throw in the Runners (who have REALLY played out that stutter-synth sound) and this song sounds awful on paper.

But "Cash Flow" is catchy, thanks to a revitalized T-Pain. Like he did on Twista's underrated "Creep Fast," Pain finally does something different than his weak sauce "let's put together some generic words that mean I would like you to do dance" ish. Granted, he's transitioned from club emptiness to ridiculous posturing ("I'll be bangin' on the front door with the nine"), but change is a good thing. It's not great (or maybe even good), but it's stuck in my head this week. And if it's got to be mindless summer drivel, I'll take T-Pain on the hook over almost anyone else on an entire song. So there.

See, I couldn't say anything too nice about "Cash Flow" because I had to heap all my praise onto this next track, the remix to the Kidz in the Hall's "Drivin' Down The Block." Featured are The Cool Kids (fire), Pusha T (fire), and Bun B (fire; can we get that II Trill soon, my dude?). And the result is terrifically awesome. The only hope for radio play this jam's got is (wrongly) the minimalist beat. Never have a ghostly cowbell and a handclap come so correct; in this way, it reminds me of "Vans," a stark less-is-more type beat that bangs you over the head with its simplicity.

Additionally, you can never go wrong with guests like Pusha and Bun. They both school everyone else on the track (Pusha: "Two doors, minus the top / all you see is head and shoulders, like a / jack in the box; Bun's verse nimbly builds on the cut-and-scratch sample better than anyone else's), but not in a showy way. In the true fashion of Pusha's "other" role as 1/4 of the Re-Up Gang, they just think they better, dig? Cool Kids, Naledge, and Double O all drop very solid verses in a great moment of "backpack" meets "gangsta." I don't subscribe to the ridiculous labels, but it's always nice to see when they get pulled down anyway. And when it's for a trunk popper like this offering from the Kidz, that's just icing on the cake.

Youngbloodz: Political Prognosticators?

2008-04-22T01:59:00.007-04:00

What we smoke? (what we smoke?)/
That Kush/
Presidential shit/
George Bush

Mo' Fiyah

2008-04-18T21:18:00.003-04:00

Nicest day of the year, by far. Call this a post of cheery springtime generosity (or beleaguered long-windedness, your move). Two jams for the people today, both endowed with that "summer is coming" urgency, in very different ways.

I'd never heard of Serani until this week, real talk. But the man gets all lonesome stoic on "Stinkin' Rich," this year's version of Cham's super-soulful "Ghetto Story". "I got money in the bank so my mama don't worry no more," he starts; he should be happy, but dude explains why his money can't buy happiness, nor can it erase his past. It's tried-and-true, but Serani's whine is haunting, like the ghost of a vocoder. His voice makes this song pop off as the antithesis to summer's usually breezy attitude. It's still gonna be a hot summer, but Serani's doing his part to give you grown man talk when everybody else is on about quixotic love or some immaterial bullshit.

I'd never heard of Southeast Slim until this week, real talk (ha!). But homie gets REAL busy alongside (who else) young Wale. This song is so "D.C., stand up" that's it unreal. I'm almost ready to cosign Slim just off this song, dropping heat like: "we take trips to the Keys like a pianist/ya girl take trips to her for my penis". And he stretches out the word for male member into three-syllable ooze. Holding your own with Wale on a track has quickly become a signal that you're the realness (the list of people who have done so: Pusha, Bun B, Evidence, D'wayne) and SE Slim joins the ranks. Listen to the minimal beat on repeat and TRY not to go in for seconds.

The Music For April

2008-04-14T01:37:00.005-04:00

Monthly playlist numero deux. Can I realistically hope to have a megajam like "Love In The Club" in my rotation before it hits iTunes and the masses? Probably not, but there are some bona fide pre-summer jams. If nothing else, this playlist should evoke some "damn, I really need this Ann Arbor spring to hurry up so I can play this set outside" ish. Additionally, this might not be the final product, but we're almost halfway through the month, so it's time to get on the grind. Let's get it.

1. Bobby Creekwater - Fucking Up My Cool

This one comes with a cool sidestory. This track is produced by the Alchemist, but doesn't sound like his typical sample-meets-drums thing. Just a driving piano and the occasional flourish of dramatic strings; the track is still a monster because B Creek gets busy on the mic. He has a perfectly rare voice, all Southern twang with a precise cadence. Anyway, this is a track off a joint EP with Alc & Creekwater called Second Hand Smoke that promises to be interesting, if nothing else. I'm still down to get Bobby's LP whenever it actually drops; he should be getting serious promo from Shady sometime soon if there's justice in this world.

2. Elephant Man - Feel The Steam (feat. Chris Brown)

This is like that scene in Office Space where one of the Bobs admits: "I'm a Michael. Bolton. Fan. I love his work!" That's me with Chris Brown. My manliness will go into hiding for a while, but Chris Brown does big things. Elephant's got some nice tracks on his new LP, Let's Get Physical, but this the standout and probably the only one that will grab serious radio play. The reason? C Breezy. He's vocoded out and playing up his "I'm here for the ladies" role to the max. It's as undeniably club as it catchy; summer club anthem sleeper pick right here, people.

3. Lupe Fiasco - Superstar (feat. Matthew Santos) (Acoustic Version)

You know what it is.

4. MGMT - Electric Feel

I've had this one for a while and I'm not sure why it didn't catch me before this. I love "Kids," another track off MGMT's debut LP, Oracular Spectacular. But I guess I was slacking on my MGMT game. This Brooklyn duo threatens to be gloss-rock at times, but this one oozes with summery stagger. Guitars, plinked away, just hang out on the track. The vocals kick with Prince-like apathy, but end up sucking you in. Hang around for the final crescendo: fireworks everywhere.

5. Lupe Fiasco - Black Out

Left off the American release of The Cool, the song might be accused of completely jocking "Ayo Technology". Guilty as charged, maybe, but I'd take Lupe over Curtis fourteen times out of ten. The hook isn't Timbo/Timber crack like the aforementioned hit, but Lupe's reptilian flows works pretty damn well. I understand why self-conscious Lupe left this off his sophomore LP, but it'll make you feel like you just stumbled upon new Lu material. Good enough for me.

6. Elephant Man - Our World (feat. Demarco)

Quite a dancehall month, apparently. Demarco, for those who don't know, is a more polished version of your boy Sean Kingston (sidenote: young homie Kingston DESTROYS the track "Roll" on Flo-Rida's mediocre album...if I hadn't already bumped that thing at March's end, it would be on here for sure). Elephant Man is...well, excited, as always. Elephant jumps around the track, but Demarco's vocoded hook holds this thing down. The beat is infrequent snares and a smorgasboard of other dinky sounds; there's even some crashes of thunder in there. The sum, though, is way more than its parts. Infectious hook on the real.

7. Juelz Santana & Lil' Wayne - Let Us Pray

Can't really justify this on its content, although there's a handful of pretty bangin' punchlines. Then again, it gives me a chance to bitch about how the alleged I Can't Feel My Face LP is no closer to being out than it was a year ago when were talking about it. Wayne? Juelz? Any thoughts, fellas? At one point, you had us wagging our tongues like Rottweilers in July! Now the best flow in the game and a top ten most marketable face can't get their shit together on this? Really, dudes? Honestly, if Carter III and Born to Lose, Built To Win (The Reagan Era) would drop, I'd stop my bitching about this double-MC project. And c'mon JuJu, stop that shit with 29 hollow-points and 20 large in brown paper bag money; you don't have Tip's lawyers to save you.

8. Gnarls Barkey - Neighbors

I really love this song. Sonically, it's piercing, almost too much Cee-Lo in the mic. First listen doesn't do it justice either. The lyrics show a type of postsuburban self-consciousness that's just fascinating. It's all about a very creepy version of keeping up with the Joneses and I'll be damned if it's not one of 2008's best songs so far. Cee-Lo and Mouse should keep this Gnarls project rolling as far it can take them because they're doing a bang-up job. "My neighbor wants what he sees," cooes Cee-Lo. Not just your neighbors, big homie.

Miles Brand, What...Would Ya Say Ya Do Here?

2008-04-11T14:04:00.008-04:00

I know that it's taboo to question the training methods used by college teams, but does anyone else see a problem with this? A UCF scholarship football player, Ereck Plancher, died during a workout on March 18th. His death was met with the same ambivalence as those of Korey Stringer, et al. Sportscenter gave a 45-second piece, then ended with a solemn silence. The team and University mourned, but nobody really worked themselves up about it.

A college player has different issues than a pro, regarding a case like this. And when an anonymous player tips off reporters at a major news source that practice was unnaturally tough and the coaches apparently weren't monitoring the well-being of their players...it doesn't seem right.

We don't want to know how hard college coaches push their kids; I get that. But if the NCAA is gonna force announcers to use the phrase "student-athletes," then shouldn't someone be policing this shit? Plancher's death shouldn't be spun politically, by anyone, but shouldn't UCF lose some football scholarships or something? If nothing else, to show that, no matter what happens, a football player dying during practice is unac-fucking-ceptable?

The student-athletes I run into have it easy. They don't go to class, people write their papers, and the University can say they're none the wiser. Whatever; it's the commodification of sports blah blah blah. But when you're playing for a scholarship, and George O'Leary shrieks that you better hustle your ass in gear, despite the fact that you feel faint, there's no real other option. And when, in a rare case like this, that becomes a life-or-death decision, that's a-excuse the hyperbole-lethal injustice for these "student-athletes". I'm sure that the medical report will find some undetected heart defeat, as it always does in cases like this, but the degree of human error has to be recognized. Just makes you shake your head.

RIP Ereck Plancher

Snippet Of The Year

2008-04-10T17:18:00.003-04:00

If you haven't heard of Ricky Blaze, join me on the bandwagon. You get on early enough and you'll sound really cool by the time the summer rolls around. Because his mega-club record "Cut Dem Off" is getting remix treatment, courtesy of Elephant Man and Tony Matterhorn. And this thing destroys all other dancehall tracks in a ten-mile radius. The remix is atomic. And it doesn't even exist, technically, yet-only a two minute, seemingly incompete, version of the song exists as of print time.

The riddim is distant pin-pricks of full-sound synth, with a potent hand clap framing the whole thing. But of course a riddim is only as good as those who ride with it. Blaze & Co. come correct on this jam. I'll be honest: I've only decoded about half of the lyrics but it doesn't stop me from listening to the song at every junction.

If you want a mainstream analogy, Blaze is a human to T-Pain's club robot, vocoded across octaves and capable of actual sounds that might be emotion (I still cosign Teddy...just saying that he's the definition of a one-track mind). "Cut Dem Off," the remixed version, is catchy beyond catchy. I woke up with the damn thing stuck in my head this morning. Check out his track "For Life" (feat. Ding Dong) for more of Ricky Blaze's awesomatic sound.

The best moment of the song comes during the riddim's start-and-stop fluttering: the headliner flips his delivery, making it stunt just like the beat: "Ricky/Blaze/fire to the top". I'm with you, Rick. Let me know when you drop the LP.

A Plea

2008-04-08T05:00:00.009-04:00

If I could ask the people of this country one thing, the second thing I'd request would be that they vote and take a less passive stance towards government. But the first thing I would ask is for them to go listen to the new acoustic version of Lupe Fiasco's "Superstar." Kidding...kind of.

In this fairly raw recording, a sleek, glamorous neon sign of a track gets hijacked. Lu gets his Marley on, cooing and breathing into the mic. Santos goes nu-soul-meets-John-Mayer...which is much better than that mix of things makes it sound. And some cat plays just enough tasty licks (in my ideal world, they make a video of the recording and the guitarist desperately overacts in his playing because this is his one shot at MTV) to let the thing ride.

I know Lu digs his wordsmith status and that punchy, enjambed flow, but it's kinda nice to actually hear what dude is saying. Sometimes it makes sense and sometimes it just sounds nice, but he sounds way liver than it does on studio tracks. This track alone may have compelled me into serious action regarding Glow in the Dark tix. If I can see this happen on stage, I don't even need to see Kanye (...kinda). The laid back grown man Lupe sounds like he wandered into a bakery in Amsterdam; dude is relaxed, like he cares less about blowing you away and more about sounding great in the headphone. This might be the ignorance of a man who's never seen Lu live, but he always seems a little high-strung, a little self-conscious.

The large-scale cosmic justification of why you should listen to this track is that you, Joe Internet, want to be on the cutting-edge of all trends musical. And this organic, acoustic guitar-backed sound is way the fuck in. Like "denouncing China for human rights" in. Go take a listen to B.O.B's (by the way, I been riding with Bee Oh Bee, hip-hop's best early 2008 shot for "Online Sensation Turned Somewhat Household Name" since "Stack My Paper Up"...please believe) "Fuck You." Song got the internet goin' nuts. Basically, you listen and tell friends. You look superior. Promotions, one-night stands, and jackpot wins are inevitable.

The Tudors: Back, Religiously-Charged, & Now With More Moustache!

2008-04-06T21:32:00.002-04:00

Apology: that Brother Ali entry was a fucking mess. I could have written a well-articulated five-page blog entry but no one would read that. I could have condensed the concert and my thoughts to a nice three hundred words, but I did neither. So that rambling mess of ideas will stay in the archives as the example of how not to review a live show. Good learning experience, I s'pose.

In the revolving door of my television pantheon, The Tudors is somewhat of a guilty pleasure. I don't like the fact that I enjoy a series whose main character (the insufferable Johnathan Rhys-Meyers) is such a mediocre actor. While Showtime has begun grooming hit series like Weeds, the emergence of Tudors as entertaining TV was anything but foregone. I thought it looked like a crass "let's put together a historical epic" attempt. But after thoroughly enjoying the first season, I feel obliged to bear with England's royal court...at least until Anne Boleyn bites the dust.

The first episode of this season threw me right back into the fray of things. There are some cast changes, a given seeing as Sam Neill's brilliant (and instrumental) Cardinal Wolsey was wetted. I can't speak to the cast's changes on the whole after just one ep, but the increasing emphasis on James Frain's Thomas Cromwell rocks. Dude was a highlight on 24's messy fifth season and he's noticeably better here.

Anyway, as the pre-ep montage summarizes, Henry (Rhys-Meyers) has serious issues: he wants a divorce with Queen Catherine (a stunning, veteran Maria Doyle Kennedy). The reason? He wants to move on to younger thangs, namely Anne Boleyn (the gorgeous screen-commanding Natalie Dormer). The series does not ignore the fact that Henry's growing frustration with the Catholic Church in Rome is more out of libido and machismo than any actual theological or political issues. Henry is a megalomaniac who wants to wrest control of England's church from papist hands.

A pretty basic rule of TV is that when you bring in a great actor, your product will see immediate improvement. Cite Peter O'Toole, as Pope Paul III, as the umpteenth example. He steals all the scenes he's in during the premiere (and arguably the entire episode). If there is a reason to start watching, having missed the first season, O'Toole might be it.

Caveat: not much happens in the episode. Henry tries to off some of the purist bishops through proxy Thomas Boleyn (Nick Dunning) and continues not to see eye-to-eye with Thomas More (Jeremy Northram, the series' most consistently good on-screen presence). And the now-mustachoied king has also become sick of his old flame hanging around and creeping out his new flame; he wants his union with Anne and he wants it now.

The episode features a lot of manuevering; all parties creep towards their own goals as England starts to show some discontent with the sovereign. If subtlety has any place on Showtime, one might debate the relevance of the Henry v. Rome argument. Henry represents tyrannical and egotistical rule, but one that is basically secular. The Church is not a "bad guy," per se, but an institution with many very flawed individuals (although I do hope that last year's Wolsey was not the last of them...the show does much better when it stays away from simple good v. evil). But should the people be ruled for country or for God? Interesting to think about, at least.

Which leads (not really) to the best moment of the premiere. It didn't hurt that the last season's two best actors (Northam and Kennedy) carry the entire thing, but the departure scene with Queen Catherine knocks it out the park. The entire court drops to their knees, all uttering "God bless you, Majesty" (oh, the biting irony). And when the Queen reaches More, he addresses her as "the blessed lady". It's one of the series' first real goosebumps moments. Honorable mention goes to the scene where Anne listens to the violin player; Dormer's eyes are the best thing on television now that The Wire ain't around.

All in all, it's good to have Tudors and mid-season standout John Adams on the ol' DVR to pass the time until all the old reliables (Lost, House, The Office) come back in full force.

"We Don't Put Our Hands Over Our Mouth"

2008-03-31T17:03:00.008-04:00

Bad news: The Drought Is Over 5, the mixtape I planned on reviewing early this week, happens to be very disappointing. There are a couple machine gun flows that kill it, but it's more hit-or-miss than the pantheon Weezy mixtapes. Worse, dude let Anti-Christ Bow Wow on there. As the days count down to Carter III madness, the possibility of a letdown seems progressively higher. Only time will tell. Regardless, I didn't feel like writing up five hundred words just to tell you that a mixtape that's only half original material sounds lukewarm.

Good news: Last night, I was pleasantly surprised by Brother Ali's show here in Ann Arbor. With the help of some friends, your favorite albino's favorite rapper went through his essential tracks with impressive gusto. As much as it could, his seventy-five minute set hit all the highlights of his career and got me thinking seriously on some issues in hip-hop.

I say "highlights" because dude doesn't make hits. "Forest Whitaker" is the most notable song he's ever done and it has no hook (which he references in a song...I admittedly can't remember which). As the mostly hardcore (relatively non-snooty) fan base in attendance last night would argue, Ali will never see popularity beyond "smart" hip-hop fans (see: the people who booed at the mention of Lil' Wayne, Fat Joe, and 50 Cent-more on this in a moment). Songs like the unrelenting "Uncle Sam Goddamn" have labeled Ali a political rapper and the fact that he's white doesn't exactly help usher him onto radio stations. He comes across as the type of artist who will always have a following in college towns, but Ali seems very okay with that, something that I, in turn, am not okay with. Bear with me.

Slight digression: big ups to Toki Wright & Abstract Rude for bringing heat on the undercard. Too often, weed carriers stink up the stage for two and a half hours before anyone who's ever listened to a Big Daddy Kane joint makes an appearance. Even Ali's hype man (Toki) gets busy; he had a tasty half-hour set that included screaming lyrics into the mic when an obnoxious female fan started talking loudly during his freestyle. Rude was cool, too; I'll refer back to this post with great pride if his debut LP, Dear Abbey, bangs hard. If it's some one mic garbage, I'll forget I ever wrote this.

During one of the few breaks in his set (Ali gets massive props for an almost non-stop show; very little of that "let me stall and tell you why I wrote this song" bullshit), the Minneapolis native expressed love, with a sheepish grin, for D'Wayne, Curtis, and Joseph Crack. The close-minded rap purists in the crowd whinnied in protest, but Ali spit it real: in so many words, he said that he's part of hip-hop and so all of hip-hop is part of him. The aforementioned triad was shouted out, one-by-one, as "bad motherfuckers". It's like a bizarro world setup for a joke. "Okay, so a white albino rapper stands on stage and starts talking about Lil' Wayne..."

Through a haze (literally...the Blind Pig subscribes to the same liberal drug policies as the rest of Ann Arbor and more than one concertgoer found it apt to burn one during the set), I found myself very confused. No less than ten feet from me was a guy who genuinely cares about hip-hop, but doesn't need to preach about its ails and the inevitable downfall of the art. Nas may have started the "Hip-Hop Is Dead" age, but Brother Ali sidesteps the question altogether. He's the model citizen for a rejection of this ridiculous "Dead or Alive" dichotomy. And, irony of ironies, he's a fat albino Muslim from Minnesota.

I'm getting kinda far away from my main epiphany of the night, so let's get terse: Brother Ali should be more famous. Now I'm no more than a casual fan (he did come off like a cocky asshole at times, albeit more out of self-contentment than self-celebration), but the guy has everything going for him. His flow jumps in and out, his lyrics are witty but not overly complex, and he's making hip-hop music with a rich, but not overly artsy, sound. As wild and crazy as this is, neither his party songs nor his political songs suck; homie has outrageous consistency. And there are about ten rappers who can make that claim today. He shows love to his fans, but isn't afraid to talk about punching you in the mouth. Maybe it was the vapors, but Ali looked like the rare rapper with a real gripe about his business model. The silver lining to all this was in his tone of voice, when he proclaimed that 2007 was the best year of his life, one he was planning to top very shortly.

Wait...Didn't You Just Review That?

2008-03-30T17:23:00.009-04:00

A strange weekend for many reasons, not the least which was my discovery of ANOTHER fantastic vocoder-reliant rap single called "Lollipop." The authors of said synth mastery? Academy Award Winners Three 6 Mafia. I wish I had more info on the song (is it actually off the oft-delayed Last 2 Walk?), but I know enough to tell you why it will (or rather, should) be annoying the crap out of you come two months from now.

The beat is nuts. It's a jumpy 80's-esque synth bump mixed those horror movie pianos that Three 6 Mafia have made living off of. It's crazy catchy even before you hear that infectious "Lolli, lolli, lolli" that introduces the chorus. Yung D does a fantastic T-Pain impression (Pain is sitting somewhere cursing dude out). It's a single that might not do as well as Wayne's because Three 6 doesn't have quite the cult that Wayne has amassed thanks to his mixtapes. But it's far more sonically staggering. Just like in the past, Juicy J & DJ Paul have done something wild on the tables. It's a must-listen.

Three 6 has been ahead of its time before. "Ridin' Spinners," while not a megahit, foretold the success of screwed sample hooks; The Runners wrongfully get credit for their ridiculous "Hustlin'" beat, but Three 6 was among the first to drop a single with a chorus like that. "Sippin On Some Syrup" was early South minimalism (and a striking prediction of how prevalent the drank epidemic would become...RIP Pimp C) with a killer hook. These dudes have been cutting edge with their sound for a minute. But this...this is Three 6 seizing Timbo's LoveSex sound and putting some serious crunch on it. They are a rarity in rap, setting trends instead of following them. And this continues that important part of their legacy.

Mini-Madness

2008-03-20T02:39:00.005-04:00

Each matchup in as few words as possible (testing my usually loquacious manner). It's fun because, since these are going up early Thursday morning, they'll almost immediately be proved wrong...rather than that weak ish on ESPN, where the analysts get to deliver their picks so early that we've already forgotten them.

EAST

UNC over Mt. St. Mary's: For your play-in win? A de facto home game against #1 overall seed.

Arkansas over Indiana: IU checked out when Kelvin Sampson cleared out his office.

George Mason over ND: Switch the coaches and it's a squash for Irish. But Larranaga's boys are ready...again.

Wazzu over Winthrop: Could go the other way in an upset special, but Tony Bennett has become too good a coach to lose in the first round.

OU over St. Joe's: Can't help but feel that St. Joe's just has Xavier's number, rather than having a team ready to make noise in the tourney. OU's not much better, though.

Louisville over Boise St.: Too much talent for Pitino's squad.

So. Alabama over Butler: I seem to recall a similar team that got hated on hardcore for being one of the last at-large teams in, after an impressive regular season. Oh right, it was the 2006 George Mason Colonials.

Tennessee over American: No contest, plus I hear American is one of the least fun universities on the planet. So there's that.

MIDWEST

KU over Portland St.: In lieu of justification, I give you the claim from their homepage that Portland State is Oregon's only urban university.

Kent St. over UNLV: No repeat for the Rebs this year. Whatup Al Fisher?!

Clemson over Villanofun: I'm terrified by this game.

Vandy over Siena: Just barely and because it's everyone's massive upset the other way around.

USC over KSU: Hardy har, Committee. We're all collectively not laughing at your little joke.

Wisco over Cal-State Fullerton: Omaha has to sacrifice two hours watching this stinker to get the above matchup.

Davidson over Gonzaga: Whoever wins could go Elite 8. No confidence at all in this pick.

Georgetown over UMBC: UMBC should be calling on the famous faces from The Wire to come show their support (no, I won't let the show die...ever).

SOUTH

Memphis over UT-A: If any Memphis players get hurt as they all desperately try to get on Sportscenter with their showboating...I'll be sad for my bracket but deeply content for karma.

Miss. State over Oregon: Speaking of karma, this game has to go to MSU. They played hard all season and Oregon took the season off to prepare for the tourney. The "lucky to get in" teams of that nature deserve to be beaten on Bryce Drew buzzer beaters.

East Lansing Felons over Temple: I hate this MSU team. I hated their preseason hype and I hate how much talent they're squandering. I know it's blasphemy to speak badly of Izzo, but how does homie not get more out of this team?! Close win, regardless.

Pitt over ORU: I see shades of A&M over Cuse after the McNamara Tourney two years ago. Terrified of this pick, too.

Marquette over UK: Kentucky has no business in this tournament. If the names on their jerseys said anything else, Ashley Judd would be watching the NIT. Instead, she'll watch Billy Gillespie implode.

Stanford over Cornell: We get it. They're both smart schools. If I hear one more joke about SAT test scores, I'm slicing the back of the Lopez twins' knees.

Saint Mary's over Miami: She's a saint; one of her squads has to press on.

Texas over Austin Peay: Austin Peay is in Tennessee, not Texas. Who knew?

WEST

UCLA over Miss. Valley St.: At least MVS can say that they're two best football exports (Deacon Jones & Jerry Rice) are better than any two UCLA can hold up.

BYU over Texas A&M: This game is the reason DeAndre Jordan will suck if he goes pro after this season. He doesn't know how to take over in the post; he needs more college seasoning in "being the man" before he's ready.

Drake over WKU: Why is everyone ready to throw Drake under the bus? MVC teams have wrecked shit over the past five years, becoming the mid-major conference no one wants to play. So Drake kills it this year, but can't handle the trey-happy Hilltoppers? I got the memo about Courtney Lee being NBA-good...but so is Mike Beasley and he's one-and-done, too.

UConn over San Diego: Calhoun has never lost a first round game at UConn. This group won't be the first, despite popular (see: stupid) opinion.

Purdue over Baylor: Yes, Big 10 hoops sucks. But Purdue plays great when they stick together as a team. And COLORADO?! I love that Baylor has gotten past its tragic recent history, that Big 12 Tourney showing was pitiful.

Xavier over Georgia: Sucky draw for the Bulldogs. Yes, I know they barely have a winning record, but give them a 12-seed against MSU and a fighter's chance. That said, I could see them gut out one more win on this run. It would screw me royally, but if you Dawgs do...I ain't mad atcha.

WVU over Arizona: I'm sick of the non-story that is this year's Arizona basketball team. It was injuries instead of lack of effort, but they deserve the same treatment as fellow underachievers Oregon.

Duke over Belmont: At least the Bruins can go home knowing their coach is more interested in them than making commercials. ZING!

ROUND OF 32

UNC over Arkansas: If only they were in the Little Rock site...

George Mason over Wazzu: Very slow-paced game works for both squads. The magic men of two years past roll onward in a squaker that threatens to be in the low 50's (if that).

Louisville over Oklahoma: ARGH! I want to take Capel's Sooners, but when your two reliable post men are hurt (Griffin's dual knee issues, Longar Longar's broken leg), a second game in three days is going to be a dagger. Close game based on Capel's coaching and OU's heart, but sadly, that rat Pitino sneaks through.

Tennessee over So. Alabama: The Jaguars are making me uneasy here, but I don't think they have the firepower to hang with Tennessee.

KU over Kent St.: The wrong second round matchup could have been disastrous for the Jayhawks. This ain't it.

Clemson over Vanderbilt: Seed inflation warning! Too many of the Commodores' wins took place in that bizarrely-aligned gym of theirs. I will enjoy Shan Foster's swan song, though.

Wisco over USC: I watched Wisco play a lot this year. They're more complete than last years team because they don't stand around and watch Tucker on offense anymore. Their defense will easily frustrate the Trojan youngsters AND ridiculously-outmatched-here Tim Floyd. Mayo gets disinterested due to Badger defense and starts chucking.

Georgetown over Davidson: If Stephen Curry could clone himself, Davidson would take this one. But Sapp will body him and when nobody else steps up, the Hoyas win a close one.

Memphis over Miss. St.: Jamont Gordon on whoever the hell he has to guard will be a great matchup. The most narrow escape for a one seed, methinks.

Pitt over East Lansing Felons: In the win over Georgetown, Pitt proved they can play fantastic grind-it-out basketball. Defensive lapses from the ADD Spartans will do them in early in the second half.

Marquette over Stanford: I'm blatantly, flagrantly ignoring the presence of the Lopez twins here. No, Marquette has no answer for them inside, but that doesn't matter if the guards can't get them the ball. McNeal & James might be the best defensive backcourt in the country; a late big-shot from one of the two wins it.

Texas over St. Mary's: Against a lesser two seed like Duke or Georgetown, the Gaels could win. But the lights-out backcourt shooting will be too much. Rick Barnes will do his best to mismanage this game, but fail.

UCLA over BYU: Fighting Mormons get a raw deal with this seed, considering they'd be a great shot to knock off Duke if they were the 7-seed. Bruins go relatively unscathed to second weekend.

Drake over UConn: The disciplined Drake attack will get to UConn in a way that they haven't seen this season. The seniorless Huskies go down in a bigger upset than the seedings reflect.

Xavier over Purdue: Similar deal here. Evenly dispersed Xavier offense takes away from the strong individual defense many of the Boilermakers have to offer. Lavender blowing by his man and dishing will become a constant theme.

WVU over Duke: We've all heard that this isn't Coach K's most athletic team. This game will make it eerily noticeable, as Beilein's own unheralded recruits take down this group of McDonald's All-Americans. Irony? Huggins uses kids he didn't recruit to break his second-round curse.

SWEET 16

UNC over George Mason: The Heels hike all the way to Charlotte. Mason magic ends, but not without a fight (possibly literally, between Will Thomas & Psycho T). Folarin Campbell's slashing ability will put the fear of God in Carolina faithful for the next round.

Tennessee over Louisville: After two good matchups, the Cardinals finally get tested and can't live up to the hype. Bruce Pearl's dudes show Edgar Sosa how to shoot a tasty J.

KU over Clemson: Finally on the other side of a free throw debacle, the Jayhawks watch Clemson fall apart on the line. KU wins a tight one.

Wisco over Georgetown: Do NOT forget two things: 1) Wisconsinites are crazy woodland dwellers; they have no joy but watching the Badgers and will come out in droves. This will be a heavily Wisco crowd. 2) Both of these teams like to slow the ball down, but Georgetown has proved to be susceptible when you fight fire with fire (i.e. Pitt loss in the Big East tourney). Bo Ryan's team has been steady against almost all game plans.

Memphis over Pitt: Rough draw for Pitt to get a four seed, but that'll happen when you founder in the stretch before the conference tourney. Could be the game of the tourney, but I'll go with the Tigers as overtime winners.

Texas over Marquette: After surviving an attack on their biggest weakness, the Golden Eagles face Abrams and Augustin, two great guards. With a formula similar to his own, Tom Crean watches his team lose a game that starts out as defensive struggle, but becomes a transition & 3-point clinic. If it happens, it'll be an amazing game.

UCLA over Drake: One of the few teams in the field that Drake just can't handle. Too many weapons for the Brunos. Wooden shows up to big up Emmenacker for his hard work.

Xavier over WVU: For the third time this tourney, no one has an answer for the balanced attack of the X Men. It almost backfires when the game gets close and no one knows who should take the big shot, but saavy frontcourt play neutralizes Joe Alexander just enough to move on.

ELITE 8

Tennessee over UNC: But, like the early season loss at home to Duke, things come unhinged. Hot shooting from the orange puts them down early and turnovers keep them down. Tyler Smith posterizes somebody just because he feels like it.

Wisconsin over KU: A relative shocker, the Badgers continue to play hardnose defense and get great possessions. KU matches them for most of the game, but then returns to bad habits when the D gets physical. The Bohannon Cannon gets hot from 3, making the difference.

Memphis over Texas: Another "home team" loses in my mind's eye. I think Calipari looks his team in the eye and tells them to go out and hit the Longhorns like it's spring practice. After knocking down the two star guards a couple times, Memphis will ramp up the energy and steal a win in the waning seconds.

UCLA over Xavier: Unfortunately for Xavier, they run into a team with a Xavier-esuqe bevvy of weapons. Love, Collison, Westbrook, and a (please God be healthy) Mbah a Moute contain the Musketeers, ending the pseudo-Cinderella run.

FINAL 4

Tennessee over Wisconsin: With a great deal of Orange in the crowd, the Badgers stick to their guns. It almost works, except when the outside shooting picks up and the stingy defense gets just porous enough to allow Tennessee's athletes to do their thang.

UCLA over Memphis: The "better" game of the two comes down to Howland beating Calipari in a coaching matchup. On the floor is the greatest collection of talent the college game has seen in years, but the minds on the side decide it, as UCLA's deliberate offense keeps Memphis out of the running game.

THE NATTY

UCLA over Tennessee: I can't imagine how this wouldn't be a classic game. Maybe the Vols don't have quite the size to hang, but Smith & Lofton will still do their damage. Free-throw shooting and coaching, as usual, are big factors. Pearl knows Howland is the better coach, but he still comes close. Darren Collison has the MOP trophy handed to him by a recovered John Wooden.

Singles?!

2008-03-17T00:38:00.004-04:00

2008 is, ominously, yet to bring an utterly crushing single. Usher's "Love In The Club" has a pretty good shot at developing into that all-encompassing song that you find yourself singing in strange places. "Shawty Get Loose" is notably sing-songy and catchy. Both will get serious spin in clubs everywhere and then become irritating faster than you can say Miley Cyrus.

But today was interesting because of two singles that dropped. The first case study is the man with the Easter Pink Sprite, Lil' Wayne. In a conciliatory effort for constant delays [yes, yours truly knows it dropped this week on the internet, but only today was a dirty, CD quality version available], Wayne released the "official" first single off of Tha Carter III, "Lollipop". Produced by Jim Jonsin (prod. Trick Daddy's "Let's Go", Pretty Ricky's "Grind On Me"), the track is unabashedly single-esque. Wayne has traditionally catered to his female fans only on should-have-been-cut album tracks and mixtape delineations, but this single is atypically "one for the ladies." The blunt sexual innunedo of "Lollipop" need not be explained; superficially, it's miles behind the more schitzo flows that D'Wayne Carter has provided us with over the past 24 months. But it's a better pure single than I've heard in many moons. The late Static Major is triumphant in his finale, cooing on the understated yet oozing chorus. And Weezy F. Vocoder outdoes most recent T-Pain outings with his own RoboWayne impression. The vocoder is all over this thing, sometimes impenetrable, other times fading into the background.

I can't hate dude for trying to drum up business with a huge single. As we've seen, great singles make album content largely inconsequential for the masses. So maybe someone told the Young Money CEO to just go ahead and drop the trend-following single that will bring in those meteorically rare multiplatinum sales. Maybe, with his following, he doesn't need it. But it doesn't strike me as a bad thing that little homey went with something less cerebral but just as joyously rambunctious.

On the other side of the ticket is The Game, the recently released jailbird du jour. Game has had trouble with singles every since his Dre-cosigned debut. "Hate It Or Love It" is admittedly a ridiculously good single to be measured against every time out, but there was almost nothing on Doctor's Advocate that had any chance on the radio. Kanye did his best for dude, but "Wouldn't Get Far" never got big-time burn on my locals. But Game doesn't seem phased; it's just back to the block with his single, "Big Dreams," off of upcoming released L.A.X.

Game's music is a fascinating mix of introversion, humanity, and gangsta bravado. For every "Start From Scratch," there's "300 Bars & Runnin'". I think L.A.X. should be seriously anticipated by anyone who thinks the guy is worth a damn because he's been away for a minute. It's been two calendar years since his last LP and he hasn't played into the megamix era of hip-hop, dropping guest verses for everyone in his Rolodex (although he does have some pretty terrible cronies, e.g. Nu Jerzey Devil).

Now to "Big Dreams". Cool & Dre, who have become absolutely titanic on the boards, produced the beat (which seems to be in the same vein as Beanie Sigel's "Bout That"). A strange melange of soul sample and defiant Southern bass, it doesn't sound like either of those recent fad-sounds. Game sounds great angry, though, and he seems happy to be angry...if that makes any sense. This song probably won't be one of my favorite five on the CD; it's a jump-off for a bunch of punchlines that kick hard, but Game's better than that. And I do have doubts about it getting the "Big Shit Poppin" treatment (half-hearted radio play), an inevitable result of rap's pop inclinations (eyes on you, will.i.am) and Game's refusal to pander to them. But it should be on the radio; it should bang in your trunk. "I got one word for you mothafuckas: Compton," spits Game. Hard to argue with that type of candor.

RIP Jamiel Shaw

2008-03-12T17:06:00.003-04:00

A tragically killed young man was interred today. Jamiel Shaw, 17, the top player in the Los Angeles Southern League for high school football, was mortally wounded by a random act of gang violence last week. He was shot after he failed to respond to a question of what set he belonged to. Pedro Espinoza, 19, a convicted felon is being charged with his murder. Jamiel Shaw had been recruited by Stanford to play football.

I don't need to editorialize this to see how unspeakably sad something like this is, but there is a pretty telling moment that has been circulating along with the story. Anita Shaw, Jamiel's mother, was notified of his death during her second tour in Iraq. "To me," Shaw declared, in reference to the perpetrators of street violence like this in American cities, "they're terrorists." Why is Anita Shaw on her second tour of duty halfway across the world when senseless acts of urban warfare happen in major cities every day?

But I don't want to turn this into something it's not. And what it is...is an extraordinarily mournful day for the Shaw family, the Los Angeles High football team, and anyone who knew this young man. Rest in peace.

Don't Blame Canada

2008-03-11T20:46:00.003-04:00

Blame this idiot. This is so refreshing (and something that would never make it to the air in the era of political correctness in this country). What a horrifying picture of how ungrateful some people are for being born with insane amounts of talent.

From here on out, anything that supports my "Vince Carter is the most overrated player in the history of the NBA" hypothesis will be blogged, both for posterity and because it makes me happy. I hope this suits everyone.

Say...What?!

2008-03-11T18:11:00.003-04:00

In not-so-quiet news, Geraldine Ferraro, fundraiser for Hilary Clinton, had the following to say about their biggest rival.

"If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman, he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept."

Excuse me? Are you out of your fucking skull, lady? Clinton's behind in the polls, your candidate shows an inability to drum up support against McCain, and your entire party just wants you to stop the in-house bickering in hopes of engendering national support for whoever does win this crapshoot. That's the shitstorm brewing for you and you play the race card? No wonder you and Walter Mondale only carried one freaking state in the 1984 election, giving up the largest electoral college vote in the history of this country to the Gipper. You're a sour puss playing one of the most childish games in politics. This is like arguing that Yao Ming wouldn't be so globally popular and good for business in the NBA if he weren't Chinese...yeah, he also wouldn't be Yao Ming, dude. He's "lucky" to be who he is? Should he be someone else because you don't approve of his blackness beating Clinton's femaleness? Does anyone else think this is fucking stupid? Big ups Mugatu: I feel like I, too, am taking crazy pills.

What Ferraro said comes very close to blatant racism, by basically accusing Obama of winning votes "just" because he's black. If you look at the recent cabinet's racial makeup, just about every color has had a hand in putting the country in its current quagmire. So Democrats, if you actually want to win the election, how about you adopt a "let the best person win" approach and actually give a damn about the good of the country? If any person, from either party, ever actually said, "I don't mind losing to Person X because, at heart, we're playing for the same team," I would have infinitely more respect for him/her than 99% of politicians today.

Not that any of this is better than Samantha Power calling Hilary a "monster," but this second-grade bullshit has gotten ri-goddamn-diculous. When's the election already?

The Music of March

2008-03-10T01:22:00.005-04:00

Monthly playlist much? Can't even begin to devour the end of my love affair with the Baltimore streets; that's a blog (or four) waiting in the wings.

1. The Hood Internet - "I Rhymed Slow In 1991"

These dudes mash it up real good. And this recent track is one of their best, mixing old faces of rap (Nice & Smooth) with new faces of electronica (Crystal Castles). The mix captures all the frenzied urgency of N&S's original, with a glossy modern sound. It certainly hits the ear like nothing I've ever heard and that hurried flow from both fellas is just crack. The second verse sounds ludicrous, an anti-coke allegory on some popping electronic synths. But there's a weird likeability to it. Great jumpoff song for a playlist.

2. Lil' Mama - "Shawty Get Loose" (feat. Chris Brown & T-Pain)

Ah, the two most-played men on 2007's radio get another collab to try and save Mama from one-hit wonderdom. After like six hundred other failed singles, she went out and got two bona fide hitmakers of the the last couple years to save her ass. And they do. The beat is some weird in-and-out ish; I still haven't fully figure it out after a couple listens. Mama's lyrics are notable only for a teenage girl, Teddy's on some interesting rap/sang tip, but the young fella steals the show. CB's chorus lifts the song from average radio fodder to a catchy-as-hell thing you're not embarassed to like. His record w/ the vocoder so far is 2-0, which inevitably means that he'll soon be guesting for someone terrible like Bow Wow and making like 100k just to hum through the damn thing.

3. Usher - "Love In The Club" (feat. Young Jeezy)

This one I'm slightly embarassed to love. In my defense, Polow Da Don has become one of the most insanely creative people in the biz, saving weaker outings than this with dense, lush beats. And this beat is...awesome. Not quite as radical as "Dat Girl Right There," Ush's previous attempt at a single. But the hook is killin' it: you bet that ladies will line up to hear dude ask them to "make love in this club." And when Jeezy jumps on it, the track becomes just hood enough for fellas everywhere to nod their heads to. Generic Jeezy game, tellin' little lady how ill his clothes are...but if you like it (I do), then you like it. If you're a Jeezy hater, it won't be your thing. But Polow's beat and Ush's chorus are enough to keep this spinning at least until the first summer jams start springing up in May.

4. Shawty Lo - "Feels Good To Be Here"

Another slightly indefensible song, from a critical standpoint. Lo's singsong flow is really his only saving grace, but that swang on the hook just sounds good. And a little pathos goes a long way; I like hearing him admit that "I musta done somethin' right". Unremarkable for the rest of its content, but a rapper enjoying his place in the world as a rapper is ridiculously uncommon. Lo sounds happy that people like me would listen to his track or that other people would enjoy something he, himself, crafted. Strangely evocative sentiment from a guy who still big ups his homies in D4L (I see you, Fabo: you're still the realest dude in the group).

5. Pitbull - "The Anthem" (feat. Lil Jon)

Oh hey Lil Jon, welcome back! Between this and "Get Buck In Here", homie made sure that his gnarly ass voice was back on the PA at every nightclub in the country. But this is WAY better than that. Pitbull's appeal is all energy and that's really all this track offers. I mean, when you steal the brunt of the beat from a popular danceclub track, then trade-off between Spanish come-ons and English ones, you're not setting yourself up for Grammy noms. But this song will BANG in the club. Like "Low," "Cyclone," and other predecessors, it will have young ladies doing unholy things. Plus, it reminds me of my one week in Heaven/Acapulco...so it's exempt from most regular critique.

6. Lupe Fiasco - "Superstar Remix" (feat. Matthew Santos, Young Jeezy, & T.I)

Unlike the DJ Khaled-hosted megaremixes of last year, this is one of those "there is a God" collabos in hip-hop's recent history. If I had to guess who'd jump on a remix like this, my first guesses would probably be Kanye and Hov, the dudes who are big enough to fuck with a "smart" rapper like Lupe without having to sell out their core audience. But Snowman & Tip? Two dudes who are as famous for their illegal extracurriculars as any of their lyrics? Crazy. Crazier still? They both destroy the track. Jeezy starts out w/ an honest account of that first big break, then moves on to more familiar territory ("I'm a superstar, baby/why wouldn't you do me?"). But his flow is chameleon ish; he sounds more flexible than on either of his compelling-in-their-own-right LP's. Lupe's verse is less dextrous than those from the original, but he's still, as per usual, doing big things. He channels KRS-One's "Down The Charts" for a minute, then goes back to his Kerouac rap; it's always good with me. The showstealer is Tip Harris. I've never heard him flip on a beat like this...it's scary how he dices the beat up. Listen to it for yourself...it makes me increasingly pissed that we might be deprived while he lays up in the joint.

7. Rick Ross - "The Boss" (feat. T-Pain)

My favorite beard stays on his hustle game. This is pretty much a lyrical revisitation of everything that Ricky has done previously, but if you're down with big fat guys who rap about money, cars, and ladies...then you're down with Kingpin Ross. And Teddy Pain's hook is fresh as your local produce section (surprise, surprise). "Just another day in the life of the gotdamn boss" actually describes this perfectly. Another day, another hit song to pop that trunk.

8. Party Ben - "Low Addict"

Mashup numero deux cites the unlikely pair of Flo Rida and Plump DJs. I'll be honest: I have no idea who Plump DJs are, but I know that Flo Rida is the Atlantic rapper du jour, having scored off this Teddy-assisted jam (who else?) and now riding that Timbo beat on "Elevator" to further success. Several more accomplished bloggers than I have pointed out Flo Rida as a sort-of placeholder (between T-Pain hooks, an accessory to Timbaland's crazy sound, etc.), but his verses are somewhat better in this setting. Maybe it's just that silly men-at-work electronic romp in the background, but everything sounds better in this space-age recreation of a hip-hop banger. Screw Timbo et al. and get Plump DJs on the boards behind you, Flo!

9. Talib Kweli - "Give 'Em Hell" (feat. Lyfe Jennings)

I just grabbed my copy of Eardrum, which may be Kweli's most balanced product since Reflection Eternal. Even on my playlist, I'm not sure how I feel about this song. It attracted me initially with a beat unlike anything I'd ever come across; Battlecat (whoever that is) sounds like he made a beat by mixing neo-soul with some kind of primitive MIDI ringtone or something. Sonically, it defies conventions in an ear-catching way. Kwe's got some nice, traditional flow going on here, talking with (some) substance about religion in a way that would be ground-breaking for 90% of the workers in his genre. It's a bit old hat for dude to get on the serious song grind, but he's got Lyfe (one of the truly unique voices in music today) for some backup, which doesn't hurt. I don't think it's my favorite song off the LP, but you never would have found this on The Beautiful Struggle.

10. Snow Patrol - "Chasing Cars (Topher Jones & Blake Jarrell Remix)"

Another standout from Acapulco, this mix reimagines "Chasing Cars" with an even more epic scope. To call it "techno" would probably be wrong, but that's the genricized way to describe it. The buildup is all slow burn, the pulse of the beat twisting around Gary Lightbody's somnolent lullaby. Dramatic tension lives in the added pauses, bringing a heavier impact to every word. There's even a pulsating climax at 4:36. Three seconds of hesitation, then Lightbody's chorus erupts to end the decrescendo. At its core, it's a sweeping, bouncing pop-rock ballad that begs to stay in your head all day; Snow Patrol with which to dance the night away.

Sal Got Me

2008-03-08T15:42:00.001-05:00

SalPal can throw back a couple drinks with me any day. Dude gets busy on the unbelievable hype machine that was Brett Favre's career.

Tobacco Tussle

2008-03-08T15:21:00.005-05:00

You think people up the road in Chapel Hill have forgotten Henderson's thuggery from last year? First off, it's the most blatantly intentional foul of all-time. Anyone who says that your elbow could do that on its own has evidently never gone up for a rebound in their life. Henderson brings the fucking hammer down on Ty in a way that should have garnered several games of suspension. But that's in the past. What matters is tonight's game (ESPN, 9 PM EST). Duke/UNC has its own prestige, but Duke's Senior Night on top of a probable battle for a number one seed on top of the battle for the regular season ACC Championship set this up to be one for the ages.

From where I sit, it's a must-win game for UNC. If I'm wearing Carolina blue, there's nothing I'd like more than ruining Demarcus Nelson's senior night and shutting up the private school kids from up the road. Lawson's back and UNC could really use the continuing momentum into the ACC tournament, where they've traditionally struggled to beat the Dukies.

At the same time, Duke has looked like shit recently. That loss to Miami was evidence of just how poorly Duke can play when they're unmotivated against an underrated, athletic opponent (hmm...you think this might play out during March Madness? HEY THERE LSU!). Duke's team is built on banging 3's; playing intense, intelligent defense; and reducing turnovers. Last time around they committed five less turnovers than the Heels, made ten more three-pointers, and had eleven steals. They played a relatively great game and UNC never came within two possessions in the second half.

I've got my money on Roy's Boys tonight because of two things: 1) Duke shut off the electricity they were so lights out in the first half last game. When you have fundamentally good shooters and you get open looks, you can stroke it. I don't think UNC gives them those open perimeter looks tonight, knowing that the early success of the Blue Devils was key to the game. 2) Momentum favors the Heels. Duke hasn't looked impressive in recent weeks. Coach K bailed out a lackluster effort with superior coaching against Virginia; Singletary could have buried Duke if anyone else on Virginia could play basketball worth a damn. The way a team feels going in has great bearing on college basketball, especially given the tournament atmosphere that will be in place in Durham.

Here's hoping to a three-round UFC fight between the ever-irritating Hansbrough and that snake Henderson. Throw in Lawson running circles around Paulus, some hard fouls, and a close game and I'll be a happy guy.

The Cheeseheads Stand Alone

2008-03-06T13:53:00.004-05:00

I'm glad this ludicrous business is over. I'll get my praise out of the way now. Favre is one of the greatest of all time. He's leagues ahead of Marino, in my book, for being a consummate professional (see: not throwing teammates under the bus) and actually coming up in big games during his prime. Brett seems to be a good dude and I hear his daughter's quite a fox.

But let's be honest: I've had enough. I'm done with the media fascination about "one of the truly good guys in the sports today". If I hear that phrase one more time, I'm gonna throw up all over my keyboard. I'm thrilled that I don't have to sit through any more teary press conferences (at least until the next time T.O.'s team blows a playoff game-zing!). I'm about to throw an effing parade over the fact that we're done hearing about what a "gunslinger" Favre is. Because, in case you didn't notice, dude's been on autopilot for the last three years.

The stats say he was better this year, but the emergence of the every game 80-yard bomb to Greg Jennings (HOW DID TEAMS NOT KNOW THIS WAS COMING?!) certainly had something to do with that, as did the resurgence of the offensive line. Favre certainly was instrumental in leading the young group of Packers to the NFC Championship Game, but he was also instrumental in handing the game to the Giants with one of the silliest picks in playoff history. The "gunslinger" label was a way for the media to excuse Favre's ridiculous tendency to throw the ball into double and triple coverage, common sense be damned. He was one of the few men on the planet who could EVER complete those passes, but it was still on a one out of every four basis (two were picked off, one thrown out of bounds...by my complex mathematical/made-up analysis).

So to Favre, we finally say bon voyage. Packer fans should thank him for uncommon loyalty, but they should also realize that it's time for #4 to get the hell out of the way and let the team move on. And to Aaron Rodgers, don't worry, duke: being a white quarterback in Green Bay is about as tough as beating Vince Young on the Wonderlic test. I'm sure the obese vanilla people will love you.

Beasts In The East

2008-03-05T21:17:00.004-05:00

Yes, the Pistons kept it close. Until it mattered. Rondo was beating them like a Brian Scalabrine stepchild in the waning minutes. Pierce hits a dagger three after they cut it to one. Perk with 20 freakin' boards.

It seems obvious, but the bookends of the game decided things. The Celtics came out fiery, with no intention of losing again on their homefloor. The Pistons, all flight issues aside, came out like they were hungover. I don't know who thinks they're leading the Pistons (certainly not Flip-when you coach more inadequately than Doc, you've got problems, homie), but somebody needs to get yelled at for that loss. Sheed turning the ball over on the perimeter for a quick two the other way at a decisive moment in the game was murderous for the Pistons.

Maybe the Pistons are happy with 2nd place; all the more power to them if they can shrug off a loss like this. But Flip has never been good in a tight spot (see: Eastern Conference Finals, 2007). In a completely theoretical world, what happens if the Celtics go up 2-0 in the playoffs (*knocks on desk*)? Does this core, already all with rings, want another trophy bad enough? Answer forthcoming in the playoffs.

Stat of the Night: 11

As in, 11 points in the 4th quarter. That's how few the Green held this wily group of veterans to; Doc's got to be happy with a team that doesn't just bullshit about the importance of defense, but lives by that creed during the big games. Don't worry, Maxiell. Your big goose egg in 18 minutes and generally terrified facial expression weren't lost on me just because they weren't stat of the night, mang. Maxiell is a poor man's Big Baby. Now it's off to get Ray Allen a shrink for whatever the hell was wrong with him tonight.

The NBA: Where forgetting about last season's failed tank job to get Durant happens.

Weezy F. Delirious

2008-03-05T00:28:00.004-05:00

Speechlessly awesome. Yes, the shtick is getting tired, but it's the dedication to the completely inane that has to impress you. Now just as long as Carter Trois drops without this borderline Chinese Democracy ish, I'll be a happy man. Heard he might be at Michigan State soon; I'm brimming with hope.

Two Titans

2008-03-04T19:56:00.004-05:00

I missed some serious TV while I was gone. I was behind on both Lost and The Wire, both of which rewarded me for my time spent away with their respective best episodes of the season (arguably pantheon all-time eps, both). Rarely does TV give you hair-raising suspense or gut-punch heartbreak like "The Constant" and "Clarifications" did. Be warned that the below remarks are rampant with spoilers. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Start with "The Constant," a crazy, oscillating look at Desmond Hume. I've always liked Desmond, even when he took on the most preposterous qualities (ones that Lost nay-sayers thumb their noses at). Cusick plays him with a bright-eyed mysteriousness and magnetism that command every second of screen time with which he's involved. And yet, the first moments of the episode seemed too much of a foray into extracurricular activities. Yes, we wanted to know what happened on that fateful helicopter ride, but why interrupt the craziness on the island for more Desmond backstory? Orwasitohmygodwhat'shappening? That was pretty much my immediate response upon realizing this was bigger than your standard flashback.

"The Constant" requires a lot of faith. Lost has been the subject of time paradox theories since back in the day, but the creators always refused to go yay or nay on the subject. If you're gonna hate on Lindelof, Abrams, Cuse, & Co., then at least give them their due. They came up with a pretty goddamn believable way for an easily accessible show to explain so-called time travel of the conscious mind. Big ups to old school Faraday for that goofy ass haircut, by the way.

I watched the ep first with a fellow diehard fan, then with a passing fan. Both were floored by the emotional impact and plot development. The scene with Penny on the phone was textbook suspense. I honestly expected Desmond to flash out while she was giving her number and become yet another indirect victim of the Island. Not today, though. The Scot survived and looked like his old self, having found his constant. But what in the hell does Faraday's new note mean? Has the future been changed? No clue. I just loved the hell out of the episode.

And don't sleep on Mr. Widmore bidding on Black Rock secrets. The old schlub's up to something fishy. Suggestions that he's in league with Abaddon might not be so far off (can we get Lance Reddick some burn for chrissakes?). And if someone on the ship is Ben's spy (who presumably cut the comm links), who? Always more questions than answers with this show, but if that bothers you, then you're not an intelligent TV viewer.

On to the most somber episode of TV in recent memory: "Clarifications". I could talk about the moment of Hood Robin Hood's death for months. How initially I was shocked that Kenard could take down Baltimore's greatest antihero. How colossally heartbreaking it was to hear Gus move Omar's murder story to the back pages (this will go down as one of the show's most poignant moments: the characters we love and hate are just more dead poor, black people to everyone on the outside...pretty fucked up). How we sympathize more with the murderous, thieving martyr than with most of the cops on the show. How that lasting image of Michael K. Williams' face in a body bag closed one of the show's great episodes. It's all ridiculously brilliant television.

The understated moment of this week was McNulty's face-to-face with Beadie. Dominic West pulled out all the stops. He was vulnerable but determined to be justified. Amy Ryan was dazzlingly fierce, eliciting honesty from McNulty that's completely out of character. I can't do the scene justice, but it was on point.

Amen to Scott getting karmic shit rained down on him. He's a sniveling brat played to perfection. Gus's cathartic tirade was the most liberating moment in the newsroom this year. All the other characters are pretty flat, but Gus really catches you as the the last of a dying breed. Him calling out Scott was exactly what I needed in my moments of weakness post-Omar.

For all the episode's highlights, I can't get Jamie Hector's seedy grin out of my head. I've never seen Marlo so...elated? Hector's acting this season as the unfathomably evil, but completely calculated (and self-justified) new druglord of Baltimore has put him on a higher plane. Dude bleeds solid chunks of ice. And seeing him so happy was eerie; the fear that Snoop and Chris showed earlier to Michael was completely washed away. Too bad it looks like this week's the end of the kid's undefeated reign.

Two more episodes ever of West Baltimore is devastating, but they couldn't ask for a better run to go out on. You just hope the insanely talented people on this show who haven't already shown up elsewhere (Sonja Sohn? Clarke Peters? JERMAINE CRAWFORD! You telling me that According to Jim can run for eternity and those three people can't score meaningful roles?) get some PT on something half as good as Wire.

RIP Omar
"You come at the king, you best not miss."

Green Eggs & Sam

2008-03-03T14:02:00.005-05:00

Hallelujah?

The news I've been waiting for all season. After the PJ Brown signing, the Celtics were primed for one more heady veteran jumping on track. As commander of the alien forces on Earth, Sam-I-Am is a fantastic fit for the C's. He can spell Rondo and provide more immediate offense off the bench (where does this leave Eddie House? Unknown as of yet). He's a great teammate, one who's already spent time in a KG offense. And unlike the hopefuls on the squad, Sam's got two fat gold rings that say World Champion on them.

So what's scary about this situation? It feels just a little too much like the 2003-2004 Lakers. I hated that team. And in fairness, that was destined to fail. Malone never accepted being not being me-first, Payton hated the triangle; it was the definition of a paper team. Although the star power of these recent signings isn't quite as drastic, there's still a sense that veterans are jumping on a "sure-thing" Eastern Conference Finals team for a shot at a ring.

I'm not worried, though. PJ Brown is, by all accounts, a fabulous teammate. He's also big man insurance on the wobbly ankles of Kendrick Perkins and another body to ease KG's minutes down the stretch run. When I watched the team against Cleveland last week, they still seemed very much hungry. And those scarily great passes from KG are only getting better. Those first thirty wins? These guys weren't even a team yet. Now they're doing things that great Celtics teams have done: the extra pass, points off turnovers. They're one of the five most interesting teams to watch in the NBA at this second (the other four: the new-look Lakers, Nashaqemire & the Suns, "Lethal" CP3 in New Orleans, and the red-hot Yaoless Rockets; apologies to Detroit and San Antonio, but we're all pretty damn sick of hearing about you two for the past five years).

Anecdote time: while in Mexico, I stumbled across an NBA highlight reel and my new favorite play of the year. On the play, Kendrick Perkins blocked the everloving shit out of some Denver player, then Rondo grabbed the outlet and sprinted down the court. I figured there was a behind-the-back coming, followed by a thunderous dunk. Pretty standard stuff.

No, Rajon Rondo fakes BTB and makes his defender fall down in front of him. Anthony Carter may never show his face in the NBA again for that flop-and-foul. A point guard who people thought would be THE question mark on the team is doing all this. One who admittedly hasn't yet learned how to shoot a jump shot. And don't get me started on that putback dunk in traffic with three Nuggets watching. Yes, it could be a video for why you box out, but Rondo has me excited in a way that I never imagined. The whole team does.

That's why I don't think it's all a hype machine. I don't think we're headed for 2003-2004 Lakers (and to some degree, 2007 Patriots) level infamy. This team is more than paper. They've got a little green in their blood. Wednesday night against the Pistons is just another regular season game, Doc and Flip will tell you. But you better believe that the Garden will be primed for a potential Eastern Conference Finals preview. And a certain 6'11 MVP candidate knows the game is a proving ground. Dear God, I'm glad the Celtics matter again.

P.S. Much love, Gerald Green. Do your thing in H-Town. That Dee Brown dunk means it's all love for as long as you're in the league, homie.

Jacked Material

2008-03-03T11:26:00.003-05:00

I'm coming back lightly...still got some Mexican water in my system. Shit is no good. Jumping off with a quote from Killer Mike during his interview with your boy Tom Breihan, of Village Voice and pitchfork.com fame.

Everybody's favorite rappers right now, their content, all they say is I smoke better drugs than you, I drink better liquor than you, I fuck better hoes than you, I drive better cars than you. Why the fuck do you want to listen to or make a hero of someone who simply says I'm better than you? I'm saying I'm just like you and I know we can do better. I'm not telling you to absent your chain, I'm not telling you to fucking chew a stick and ride a skateboard, not that there's anything wrong with that. What I'm telling you is, whatever you do, if you're the best at it you can achieve what the fuck you want to achieve. And if that's what you do, I'm with it. I support it. Here goes a soundtrack to get through your day. I don't have the ability to sit around and talk about the shit that I got and why that makes me better than you. That's what little girls do when they're five or six and bickering over teacups and shit.

Mike's got a fucking head on his shoulders. It's not backpackers v. hustlers; some contrived black-and-white bullshit is the last thing hip-hop needs. Bring something to the table with your hustle or your skateboard tip. Lupe and Clipse (I don't know-they were just the first two spectrum-end examples I could come up with) both bring silly amounts of heat to 90% of songs they jump on. Tell your favorite rapper to do the same.

Quintessential Gangster

2008-02-19T16:52:00.002-05:00

First real order of business is music-related. Jay-Z's latest offering has several manifestations, all reimaginations of God MC's rep-saving American Gangster (Kingdom Come, for all its shittiness, was given strange clemency by large media outlets, IMO). Released in November, it's a pseudo-concept album that features last year's #1 song, "Roc Boys (And The Winner Is)" (according to Rolling Stone, whose writers have been out of touch with music since the millennium, I know). Regardless, it's a good LP on its own; not Jay's best, but The Blueprint is and appears in my personal top 10 albums of all time. On the heels of the-CD-that-shall-not-be-named, a good LP suffices for Ex-Greatest Rapper Alive.

For me? Not so much. With all the remixes that exist, I've come up with my favorite vision of the CD. In essence, this is the mixtape I would burn if I wanted to keep the number and orders of tracks, but splice in said remixes. Plus, some of these are straight crack and deserve some burn. Here's what the former President Hovito should have sold the people.

1. "Intro" off Chief Sneed's Native American Gangster

While I dig Idris Elba's sprawling growl, it doesn't help the sense that we're about to see friendly Brooklyn Nets owner & entrepreneur Jay-Z moving raw Peruvian. The least Hov have done for his title-jacking LP would have been this intro. The airy, doomsday synth places all the Denzel quotes in the right context. We don't need this thinly-stretched diatribe on how your gangster is defined, man. Give us some shit that amplifies what's coming next! Only this version (which makes the obvious "Red Magic" joke at its conclusion) thrusts the listener into Hamsterdam.

2. "Pray" off Jay-Z's American Gangster (prod. by The Hitmen)

Caveat: my mixtape isn't the most thoroughly coherent vision of this collection. The sound is all over the place; besides, I'm not sure you can throw together a better consistent sound than all the silky samples on the original. That said, this joint is a logical next step after Sneed's intro. The threat of exploding comes true as the narrative frames Sean Corey on some Marlo Stanfield-meets-John Gotti shit(two paragraphs and two Wire references? just embrace it). Last time I heard guitars like these was on Freeway's woefully underrated "Life". Like that hidden gem, this shit doesn't knock; it crunches. "The genesis of a nemesis," baby.

3. "American Dreamin'" off of Cookin' Soul's Billboard Gangsters

Hate not to give Marvin some love for the fantastic sample, but you're gonna tell me that the lazily descending riffs from the King (and his crooning on the hook) don't kick this thing up a notch? The irony hits too hard: while Jigga stays American Dreamin', it's "time to face reality" for EP. This version seems more boistrous and suits the mood much better.

4. "Hello Brooklyn 2.0" (feat. Lil' Wayne) off of DJ Skee's American Godfather

I've got your mafia aesthetic right here. The beat is flippantly Sicilian for the verses, then hard clenched piano for the hook. Skee seems like he's in on his own joke; 2.0 refers to Jay's Bed-Stuy but Skee's on some old New York City (1.0) gangster sound here. While I remain perplexed by a West Coast DJ putting NYC's favorite son on anything (no less sampled Godfather orchestrals), no argument here. Even Wayne's uncharacteristically lazy verse sounds better on the up-and-down sliding beat. Remembering "the time/the place/ and the weather/ on the day ya said 'hi' to me" actually conjures up some nostalgia this way.

5. "No Hook" off of American Gangster (prod. by The Hitmen)

Don't trip. This original could be straight off Blueprint. A ghostly choir moans in the background, an electric guitar just barely there. The nimble flow can't fit as nicely over anything else. The "mama said/as mama sighed" part of the song has been beaten to death as some of Jay's nicest floetry since...ever, but the beat's lingering propels the killer silence that punctuates "or I'ma die/inside". Throw in that badass Denzel quote at the beginning and the original easily makes it onto Quintessential Gangster. When the Hitmen bring serious heat on American Gangster, the album has its most prominent flashes of brilliance. Simple as that.

6. "Roc Boys (And The Winner Is)" off of American Gangster (prod. by The Hitmen)

Ditto. Black superhero music. Ask about this one at work, school, jail, etc. As Jay says about certain other less worthy tracks on the LP, "Sweeeeeeeeet."

7. "Sweet" off of Billboard Gangsters

This fluttering, ethereal beat feels like it's about to drift off into the clouds. At the same time, though, there's nothing ambient about it; the King urges us to "breathe the breath of life," a creed Jay adheres to. His "therapy is music" and so while the sound is mere gossamer, the words come straight schitzo. Joyous one second, wistful the next. This beat "gets it" better than any others and "Sweet" is one hell of an ironic title. Too bad Kanye stole "Bittersweet" first. "It may not be what you call perfect, but it's my life." In this case, it's just about what I call perfect.

8. "I Know" off of Native American Gangster

The first thirty seconds of this song are underwhelming. But Sneed brings fuckin' heat rock for the verses; part of what works so well here happens because he switches the beat up. The verses get this Miami Beach sunset keyboard jam, while the hook channels some early video game electronica shit. The whole thing strikes me as decidedly weird, but the massive divergence from the original idea kicks ass. I'm also pretty sure that Jay would never have come up with the song if he had been handed this beat, which makes it infinitely more awesome. It sounds like homie's trapped in the studio, forced to spit 48 on this other planet beat before anyone lets him out.

9. "Party Life - Babe I'm Gonna Leave You" off of DJ Doc Rok's American Zeppelin

I must confess that this acapella doesn't really do anything for me. "Order some Patreezy?" Really? That's your final answer?. The whole thing reeks of Kingdom Come track with one or two good lines and I can't stand I'm-so-damn-impressed-with-myself Jay. At least this version throws the haunting "I can hear it calling me back the way it used to do" Zeppelin vocal in the background on the hook. The beat is a little too busy until it slows down for the chorus, but it doesn't ooze like the original. And in fairness, Doc Rok kinda flips the whole idea of the song with that one Zeppelin line. No longer mere cash hemorrhaging, the track becomes more ambiguous, a sorta "Cocaine Cowboys" type deal looking back at the fun & sinful times.

10. "Ignorant Shit - In My Time Of Dying" (feat. Beanie Sigel) off of American Zeppelin

Here's the sequel to "99 Problems". The nice hard guitar backing fans the flames on all the inciting Jay does. Even the ubiquitous braggadocio works on the rapid-fire Zeppelin riffs. And since this song plays up the whole rock star persona that Jay loves to cultivate, why not throw Jimmy Page behind the boards? I love the scratch at 2:12, transitioning into Beans' verse. Ignorant rebellious shit right here. "It's only entertainment!"

11. "Say Hello" off of Billboard Gangsters

Oh man. Not only does the no-name trio outdo DJ Toomp's lush string section, but they blow him away with one of the most basic beats I've ever heard. The acoustic guitar kills it. After the first seconds of the beat, it's just as likely to give way to Joni Mitchell as Sean Carter. But the beautifully simple production stays out of the way of "the bad guy". The best part? Jay sounds downright miserable. Not since "Song Cry" has he sounded so freakin' depressed. In part, it's the organic sound from Cookin' Soul. Those stretched syllables are almost folksy over this country twang. In a complete reversal of the album's concept, the superstar MC sounds right at home.

12. "Success - Moby Dick" (feat. Nas) off of American Zeppelin

Boy, Nas sure sounds old and uninterested. Unfortunately, that stands out no matter whose instrumental he raps over here. I can't get as excited about this track, but Jay-Z gets to rely on Led-Z for a while. The alternating electric shrieks of the guitar reflect Hov's flow well. Of course, the sound of Jay's "let that bitch breathe" followed by wailing guitar feels pretty damn good, too. Works much better with this infusion of energy.

13. "Fallin'" off of American Godfather

A great song here that sounds like the incarcerated lament of a former kingpin. It's one of the rare instances where Skee uses the eerie aesthetic of Coppola's films well. The hook sounds unnatural (a problem with every version), but the military precision of the oscillating beat does the song's regret some serious justice. A great Godfather quote leads in before the plunge, pitting the pinnacle of Jay's crack empire against that of the Corleone Family. He sounds a bit minimal in the face of the case that Michael catches, but the second his voice drops in, Brooklyn's boss takes the reins right back.

14. "Blue Magic" off of Billboard Gangsters

If any track comes off as "haunting," it's this one. Here, Jay's flipping white out of a haunted house (Bones meets Scarface?). Elvis "looking back on my life" at song's end brings the whole thing to a cathartic close. This incarnation feels like a shades-of-grey answer to the cooing female on "Beach Chair": "Are you happy, Hov?" Answer unknown.

15. "American Gangster" off of Billboard Gangsters

If we've got to end it, why not go down with pimp swagger? Cookin' Soul shifts the original sound to actually create the same 70's aesthetic on Jay's initial offering. Kingly urges to "look up to the sky" slinks into "if the sky should fall/and it all goes tomorrow/and they foreclose on the house and auction off all my cars/don't cry for me, Argentina/I mobbed in the Beamer". It sounds like Jay's ad-libs respond to the ghostly presence of the King and I totally dig it.

There's your CD, people. I don't claim the above melange as anything but my own personal preference. Technically, I would include the album version of "Ignorant Shit" before even thinking about throwing "Success" on there, but the self-imposed rules say otherwise. If you're any type of Jay fan, I not only suggest you check out my version, but you make your own. Until I get enough cake to get Jay in the studio over my pre-approved beats, this will have to do.

Unsavory Comment #1

2008-02-18T15:11:00.001-05:00

I never wanted to be one of those malcontent assholes who feels the need to broadcast his/her every thought, complaint, or speck of praise. I never wanted to find another way to use the Internet to waste my time. I never wanted an outlet for the inane, possibly depraved, things that run through my head to manifest themselves in concrete fashion. I never wanted to be a "blogger". I never wanted to post my thoughts under some semi-insightful title like "Unsavory Comments".

But I'm here nonetheless. Welcome to the the failed last stand against those aforementioned sins.